I am one of the thousands -- maybe millions, who knows -- of Americans who sleeps peacefully most nights because of a wonderful invention known as Continuous Positive Air Pressure (CPAP) machine.
A little over two years ago I was diagnosed as having obstructive sleep apnea. That's a long, official-sounding name for loud snoring. Oh, and during the snoring, I stop breathing periodically during the night. Dozens of times. I took one of those sleep tests and was told in the morning that I had stopped breathing, on average, nearly 40 times per hour.
Basically what happens during sleep apnea is that the airway and nasal passages close. Snoring is actually the body's defense at waking you up. What's really bad is that sometimes the snoring has to become downright violent, and in my case, it's more of a snort. I wake up, and thereby never enjoy a full night's rest because I am constantly waking up and slipping off to doze throughout the night.
Enter the CPAP, which consists of a machine, air hose and mask that fits over my nose. I strap it to my head and turn the machine on, and it blows a soft breeze through the mask and into my nose, keeping my nasal passages open. Then I don't snore, snort, or do anything else to wake up. I sleep peacefully throughout the night and get tired the next day only rarely.
That's the great thing about CPAP. The bad thing is...sometimes you might rip the hose or break the mask, which means you have to get a replacement. That takes time, either ordering or waiting to go to the local CPAP supply store.
Two weeks ago I came home from a basketball road trip in the middle of the night. I don't go on trips without my CPAP, so it was with me. Rather than wake Jeannie up I decided to go without the mask for one night.
No problem, she was so conked and tired herself it didn't matter. I was coming down with a cold, so I decided to clean the mask and hose before hooking it up again and turning it into a germ trap. I soaked the equipment in warm soapy water and then when I was attaching it to the machine the hose ripped.
Not a good thing. I told Jeannie and she gave me this "it'll be okay" but what her look said was "good grief, now I gotta sleep with the pigs again." Meaning the snorting.
I tried calling my supplier but couldn't get hooked up. That would take a week or so anyway, so I retreated into my shell -- meaning I just tried to ignore the problem. Besides, it's quite comforting sometimes to sleep without an air mask strapped to your head, making you look like one of those stormtrooper pilots from Star Wars. I was free, unfettered, breathing normally...
Until I went to sleep. Then the racket broke loose. You know snoring and sleep apnea is bad when the sounds wake you up. I got punched, prodded, poked, downright beaten to a pulp by my suffering wife who had to listen to the large chain saw in the bed that ran all night. I was told one morning that Melody came into the bedroom in the middle of the night, from her room down the hallway, and begged Jeannie to make me put my mask on.
It's quite embarrassing, keeping your family awake because you can't breathe. It's also quite burdensome, and a sore spot as the days go on.
Jeannie threatened me. She was going to sleep in Coby's bed if I didn't get the hose replaced. Go ahead, I said, I like sleeping in king-size beds all by myself. Problem was, I wasn't doing much sleeping. The constant snoring and snorting was making me angry because I couldn't do anything but doze off most nights.
Long story short, I finally broke down and visited a local CPAP supply place yesterday. My machine now works fine and I'm back under the mask. Just in the nick of time.
But I can feel another cold coming on, so...who knows what might happen.
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