Just How Big Is A Mustard Seed?

"Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, 'Why could we not cast it out?' He said to them, 'Because of your little faith. For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:19-20

I had one of those moments again this week, for the trillionth time in my 39-year-old-and-counting life.

Nope, not a senior moment. I'm still a few years away from those I hope.

This was a moment that happens all too often in my life. It's a struggle I have to deal with almost daily, actually.

Faith. It's my weakness. I have started to learn over the years that it's part of my makeup, my personality, the way God Himself created me I guess... to want things done a certain way. What I really mean by this is simply that I want to control things. I like life to cruise along on the open highway, with soft music coming into my ears and no roadblocks or highway patrol ahead. I don't like traffic lights because they slow me down from where I'm supposed to be going. I don't like drivers who go below the speed limit because, again, I can't get to where I'm supposed to be going fast enough. That's just the kind of person I am.

That's why I was having a miserable start to the past week. It all started, really, with working Saturday night down in Seguin at an ETBU football game, then driving (or riding, actually) throughout the night and finally putting my head on my soft pillow at home around 5:30 a.m. or so on Sunday morning. That knocked out church, as it turned out, altogether, and I hadn't regained enough strength sufficiently enough to get up off the couch and go that night either.

So lack of sleep might have had something to do with my foul mood. It didn't help matters that Jeannie came home from church with the car smoking, literally, well, almost literally. The temperature gauge was all the way to the H and upon further inspection, there was a pool of water/coolant on the garage floor. Nothing was left in the radiator or coolant reservoir, a sure sign that something was amiss with the Camry.

Now, I know how to do one thing with a car -- put gas in it. That's it. So I began searching for a mechanic on Monday, which is like searching for a dentist to do root canal without anesthetic. You know it has to be done, but by gosh, you know it's gonna hurt something fierce.

That's when I had my moment. We were riding on empty in the bank account again, as always it seems, between paydays. Jeannie and I get fired up about two days before payday every couple of weeks because we know our purgatory is about to end if only briefly. Then a couple of days later reality sets in and we trudge on through to the next date circled on the calendar.

But with all things considered this weekend, I'd had enough. Hundreds of dollars, if not thousands, were going to be needed to fix the vehicle. We didn't have ten in the bank account. I was staying home from work for the day because Abby was enjoying another runny nose and cough. I had all kinds of work to do on Mondays, which is my busiest day in the office with paperwork and catching up from the weekend. And on, and on, and on --

Things weren't going according to my plan. And I don't like that. In no uncertain terms I mentioned this to God, quite loudly, in the comfort of my own home. Why can't we catch a break? Why can't we ever get ahead? Why does this have to happen to me, Lord? Why don't you ever let me in on what you've got going up there?...

I got no answer, again. I am battling with that personally now, and I ask for all my friends and family who might read this blog occasionally to remember me in your prayers. I know God is there. I know He listens to me. I just wish every now and then I could get something audible in return, something I can hold on to and know that everything is going to be alright.

But wait a minute. That's just not how God operates. You see, and I'm trying to learn this and hold on to it, but my own flesh -- my personality -- is screaming for something else, but God doesn't want us to know what He's doing because then it takes faith out of the occasion. God gives us every little blessing He has to offer, more than we will ever know, see or imagine. I am guilty of this as much as anyone, of taking God for granted and just expecting him to give me and my family our health, our home, any sort of measly little wealth we might have now or forever.

But he doesn't come right out and tell us this. Why? Because he wants us to trust him. He wants us to have faith in Him. It doesn't take much -- just enough to grow mustard apparently. In case you're wondering about the title, a mustard seed is pretty small. But Jesus went on to say that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.

A mountain got moved for me this week. Yesterday, I got a call from the mechanic and that problem I was expecting to have with the only vehicle we own that can transport my whole family at once -- water pump, oil leak, blown engine, for all I knew -- was just a leaking gasket and something called a freeze plug. Total cost: $169.17. And it just so happens that my lovely, popular wife was bringing home some extra cash this week from her gig at ETBU, so when you ring it all up, we've got a few hundred extra dollars to spare as of this moment.

I didn't see it coming Monday. Or even Tuesday, for that matter. But God never had any doubt. He's the Master Mechanic. And once again I feel as small as a mustard seed for knowing, but not believing.

Thank you Lord, for coming through again. That keeps the coming through ratio at 100 percent for life.